Image credit- here – I saw this image and somehow it felt like it fitted perfectly with this post.
Christmas is usually one of my favourite times of the year and it always has been since I was a little girl but lately I feel like I have lost my motivation to do anything and it feels horrible. No matter how much I convince myself I can do anything and no matter how many times I tell myself I will somehow I feel like I can’t and then I feel like a failure. I have been working so hard at pushing myself and venturing outside my comfort zone but finding motivation is so difficult when your brain tells you one thing and your body another.
So I made myself a promise. I promised I would push myself as much as I could but I wouldn’t force myself into situations that made me feel uncomfortable and crap. I made a list of all the things I was determined to achieve and slowly I want to start ticking them of one by one.
The first thing I desperately need motivation for is to start blogging more frequently. I love blogging but the thing is when you have something like depression no matter how much you love something and how much you convince yourself you can get up and do it you body doesn’t always get the memo and you just feel too deflated and uncontrollably sad to do it. I decided to do blogmas as motivation to get back into writing and I am definitely enjoying it.
Along with not feeling motivated I sometimes feel extremely stressed and that is something I really want to work on. I need to stop getting overwhelmed and panicky about everything. It is easier said then done but I really hope I can start to realise how far I should push myself and not over do it. My anxiety has sky rocketed recently as a side effect to my new medication but hopefully that will run it’s course and things wont be as bad. I want to be able to do the things I could before without having this horrible feeling of unease and paranoia.
My main goal is to be able to conquer my fear of going to new places. I am constantly afraid to try new things and go to places I have never been before. I am actually planning on battling this head first next week. I am planning on going to Meadowhall is Sheffield for Christmas shopping. Although I have been to Sheffield before as I have family their I am not the biggest lover of shopping centres as crowds for me are a little overwhelming. But with my family by my side I feel like this will be a huge step forward.
Finally I want to be able to push myself back into classes. I have had way too much time off because of my mental health and I hate it. I know it is not my fault but I get so fearful of being a failure and being judged that I can’t help thinking negatively about it. If I could push myself into going more and can actually achieve it I would probably cry from being so proud of myself. I know it sounds trivial but for someone with anxiety and depression every small achievement is huge.
So that is my mini goal/bucket list type post. I want to find the motivation to start being myself again. I want to be able to spend Christmas without having to worry and stress and I want to get back into blogging again as well. I would love to know what you want to achieve and also what motivates you as well. Let me know below and see you tomorrow for another post.